My take on #MeToo Movement and is it beyond gender. You can be in or out but not a bystander!

 #LongPostWarning

#MeToo , #WhyMeToo and why #MeTooisbeyondGender

Well, for the many many people who asked for my "opinion" and #MeToo experience, here are some nasty facts for you. I am sharing what's below, not to get sympathy from you but to explain and clarify any apprehensions and complaints/grievances regarding the #MeToo movement. 

I was all but 5 yrs of age when I was first subject to sexual abuse and groping on a regular basis for almost 2 yrs. Much to my grief I was threatened not to report and I was scared obviously and never reported to elders. I still remember that shitbag's hands and dread to think that I may NEVER FORGIVE NOT FORGET THIS. My stomach churns and burns even today as I type this post. That is what such experiences do to us victims. I have no proof nor witness to produce so those of you who are making cheap jokes, trolls and memes about #MeToo movement, take a break here and don't return to my wall. I am enraged at the amount of hostility and ridicule we victims are facing, despite being strong to come out of it and find strength to talk about it. Its 25 years since then and I still can't lay my bare hands on that A****** to rip off his privates (yeah that's what the courts must contemplate for a punishment for child abusers). Those men and women who keep asking why I didn't report then, here ... 

I was a child back then, who had nothing sexual about her (not that it matters but let's just say I wasn't waltzing around in mini skirt aka 'provocative clothing' to 'deserve it' or 'asking for it' if you know what I mean). And I was scared for my life. 

8 yrs old and thereon , I was regularly groped while traveling by public transport. Till about 12 I never reported or shouted , but just tried to escape the scene somehow. Puberty onwards, for fear of being raped and getting pregnant with a ******** 's child I started raising my voice, hands and legs too. To raise an alarm or beat the shit out of such animals. 

Fast forward to 28yrs old, I had a very senior man (about the age of my parents) make sexual advances and YES ( ppl out there with ur questions ready) AGAIN NO PROOF! I seriously didn't see that coming from him and so didn't record the bugger. And let's just say I am still not in a position to go out and report the incident. The man is still walking free, with no guilt plus I see him very often and I have to smile. Let's just say I can't report for the sake of my peace of mind, career, family and future. I am too young to be taken seriously and he will have an upper hand and can hurt me in some ways...Only saving grace is that my extremely aggressive reaction to his advances so far, has put him on a backfoot and I think I ve scared him enough for him to never dare repeat. So those of you who say why not report immediately, "real women take action immediately and don't have MeToo movements, here s why,

I have no proof. And will never have coz I was not born with inbuilt cameras over my skin to record all that's happening around me.

And only if the other person who is being recorded consents to be recorded, will it be valid evidence in the court of law. So imagine...... Do u think a rapist would continue his ghastly act while flashing a smile to the camera that's recording him? 

Why #MeToo then??

We survivors (mind u, there are survivors of both male and female genders and transgenders, etc and so on) are writing about it now, because

1. The movement gave us the much denied n hushed - a Voice, a Platform. We want to be known to each other so we realize we re in this ditch together and we feel each other. We re not alone. 

2. The predators are hopefully forewarned and in fear they may be next exposed by the next woman or man they abuse or harass. This will be a warning to them, if they fail to stop, they may soon be reported and shamed by someone. Oh yes, we need to instill fear somehow because the world is like that, every Tom, Dick and Harry is a great saint until he or she is caught red handed committing the offense. This movement is sure already proving to be a deterrent for these monsters. 

3. Ppl should know how sensitive this is and how stupid/atrocious it is of them to ask proof or tell us to 'adjust' or 'It happens' 'we all go through it' 'the world is like that'... Etc. Because I personally know of many women who have permanent damages done to them physically or mentally ... Those damages and scabs they have to nurse all their lives. Many have had permanent health issues (physical/mental) nursing the wounds from the ghosts of the past. U cannot tell them to forget it and move on. Coz believe me, many of us can't. 

4. To all the haters and men who said that they will now be victimised, pls sir, in this case, I revert back to u with what we women hear from men ALL THE TIME. Don't dress in a provocative way to make the woman on the road feel threatened by you. Don't drink in public places/bars/discos which will make women there feel that you are a potential rapist. Stay indoors after dark hours. Don't smoke and drink at all, coz if u do, women will think that you think they re available without warning. Don't mingle around with too many women or men ... Coz if u re too loud , around too many ppl, u may be called a slut'. Ohhhh don't be very successful also, coz women are going to think and talk behind ur back that u slept ur way to success! Don't wear shorts, tight pants don't don't don't .... 

6. Those who say, she was drinking with the guy, what did she expect, she was asking for it, she deserved it, she s in the cine field so must have slept her way to the top, cine field all women sleep around, she got promoted coz she slept with the boss, etc etc

A pregnant Goat was raped and I suppose u wud say, the goat was wearing a Bikini, right?! An infant was raped, I suppose you'd say that the baby must have given indications or made provocative statements or was wandering around in provocative clothes..... or got drunk with a bunch of men...

Don't assume that someone wanted to be abused or harassed or consented to what they went through. I work in a male dominated industry hoping to include more women here but hey, I'm not a slut and I don't sleep around just because I'm around men all the time!

So .... As much as we dread coming out and naming and shaming the A******* for different reasons, the lot of us who are established and in a position that would keep them immune to backlashes, must keep naming and shaming and soon enough there will be enough updated legislative directions for punishing perpetrators. 

P. S. If the above horrid experiences are mine despite my learning Karate, being a bold and outspoken educated woman ..... Imagine the plight of the under privileged and voice-less. We have a long long way to go. 

#MeToo is all about CONSENT and when will they understand "NO means NO". ...?! Remember Consent can be WITHDRAWN too!

Just because a woman is in cine field/sports she is not a "slut" ±±

Just because a woman drinks with other male friends, she is not a w****

Even if it is a porn star, she agreed to sleep with u but changed her mind while in bed, and said NO, means NO , nothing else, Period! Even then she can't be raped. NO! Her consent was withdrawn when she said NO and so YOU MUST STOP right away!!! 

Even if a girl was dancing with her many male friends at the Pub wearing only her mini skirt and gets back home late, she is NOT ASKING FOR IT! 

Women working night shifts are NOT asking for rape/molestation/abuse, so DONT ! 

NO means NO! 

All said and done I request the womenfolk to refrain from false accusations to just get back at someone. With great power comes great responsibility. Don't dilute the momentum and purpose of the #MeToo movement . 

In a society that puts the weight of shame and honor on women and their bodies, we have a lot more serious work to do. The sexist advertisements need to stop (yeah we don't wanna fall in line behind a guy just because he smells good or ''smells like a man"). The movies which establish and normalize harassment, groping, eve teasing and molestation must stop. Let's use our time for opposing these for starters. 

Are you a by-stander for a predator or are you an enabler?

There are bloody tonnes of "METOO GHOSHTIS" everywhere including me because there's tonnes of Predators EVERWHERE !!! Add a few more tonnes of enablers and by-standers to the mix. 🤬😡

#MeToo #SurvivorStory and #WhyMeToo

And to all those people who think #MeToo movement is a farce, pls watch this movie on Amazon Prime. Last year's (2022) muv - 'She Said'. 

Shows how power is misused by the high & mighty in the society to be a predator who can never be caught/proven guilty/punished/stopped.

 Power misuse, rank misuse and misuse of hierarchical systems at work and even in families lead to silencing of victims who don't even have a ground to stand on. Complain? Lose ur job, never get any more promotions, labelled as the 'troublemaker' 'plays victim card' 'trying to get money/ahead' 'why now why so late'.

 1. Victims are traumatized. Speaking out about abuse, harassment, rape, molestation, etc. is never easy. Reaction to trauma is different in diff ppl. 

2. U may be victimized further. Lose the job, name, status, livelihood, promotion, anything good moving further, is a big possibility and a deterrent. Could be end of all ur dreams.

3. Lack of proof. When u have none and if u are told to prove... What can u produce? Someone makes u feel cheap dirty and uncomfortable at work regularly. How do you prove that when it happens only when you are alone with that person and only with u? Many monsters are amongst us in a simple person disguise and arent guilty until proven otherwise. Many a times the revelations are shocking to non victims but known circle. If u carried body cams all over ur skin such ppl wont even misbehave then how do u pin them? Risk some worse incident trying to do a sting operation?

4. Access and power. Psychological safety. Are u empowered to report? Do u have access to a place to escalate this issue? Do u have the means to complain, lose ur job n still have a livelihood n pay ur bills? Take it or lose EVERYTHING u ever have/had is the situation for most domestic help that I ve interacted with. Man of the house misbehaves. Take it or leave the job. Best part? Report to the wife... Most wives protect the predator.

 Being divorced, even I've faced one such insecure wife who stopped her husband from talking to me (our interactions were thouroughly professional only). I later came to know that it was a blessing in disguise (different story though) coz he had misbehaved with the help at his house and obviously help was sacked but he was never reprimanded. Almost like, yeah men can be like that, my husband can gallavant anywhere but u stay away. So he stopped talking and when I asked why no response said something like my wife doesnt like me talking to u. (We spoke once a month max)

 So this woman thinks that divorced women are all vulnerable and dig other ppl's husbands and are waiting to seduce them somehow. So she was "protecting him from my beauty". Such is the world. We protect predators... For all sorts of reasons. Or the predator is powerful. Has access to protection and can pay a lawyer, silence many people/victims/bystanders/witnesses. Predators also know when and how to time their heinous acts so they're absolutely safe.

 So dont come and tell me these protests/complaints/the #metoo movement is all gimmicks for publicity, money etc. The way these Olympians have been treated is just so unbearably disgusting. 

Coz I as a victim can speak for myself and a few of my family members and friends who are victims as well... That we, the traumatized victims just want justice... Not their filthy money or anything. We want the predator to never again dare to raise a finger to touch us or any other weak link woman/man/child without their consent. Yes, there are predators who are women too. And there are male victims too. 🙏🏾

 I care a lot about victims (male/female/child/across all genders and lgbtq++). I feel for them. And am quite disturbed by the way things have gone with them. 

And each time a victim is silenced somewhere by sheer use of power, money and means, we as a society have failed. We r not fit to be called human beings with the sixth sense. We don't deserve this beautiful world if we lack compassion for the fellow humans.

#whysolate #whynow #reportthenandthere #sexualharassment #molestation #victimprotection Or #predatorprotection ???